Give me all of you, always. 

Or lose me, all ways. ‬

-keepingupwithchello 

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Here, I am. 

Not really the one you want to be with, and not really the one you want to be without. 

But, without a doubt, you find a way to make me your emotional wingman. You take me out on dates with you to occupy your time without her. You make me engage in the ugly parts of you as a detox, and voluntarily pick me to hold all your toxins once you leave, so you’ll look replenished for everyone, but me. 

-keepingupwithchello 

I slept in your T-shirt last night. 

Not because I miss you, want you, or need you. But, because I miss and need the pain that you come with. 

I’m a fan of broken hearts and shattered dreams. And to interrupt my streak of happiness,  I thought of the one thing that crushes me thinner than shaved “ice”. 

It’s always you,  you know. 

-keepingupwithchello 

This lifestyle must fit me. 

Laying next to a man who’s heart isn’t mine, yet isn’t his either. 

Before engaging, I studied you. Thinking that your earthly sign made you as grounded as the descriptions say, coming to a conclusion that maybe “indecisive” just may be your middle name.

How foolish of me to think that a man of your caliber just had no clue what he wanted. The truth is you didn’t want me, or her, or her. You made a habit out of placing the hearts you prey on in a vending machine and choosing which one you’ll dispense at your disposal. 

And it’s always me, it’s always we. 

-keepingupwithchello 

The distance between my bed and her heart are pretty far, yet you still make time to drive miles into my soul and become one with everyone, but me.

I’ve decided to settle and take what I can get and hide behind strings that I agreed wouldn’t attach.   

-keepingupwithchello 

In my head I caught a break. 

You carefully handmade a box perfect enough to house all my insecurities as you scratched them off my list and molded me into new. You were my realtor.

You fucked me in places that I was afraid to call home, and I still found solitude in you. 

As I look at the lot where they plan to build, I’m picturing the most beautiful foundation. My expectations grab me by the hand and I can imagine how put-together this home will be with the help of my blueprint and perceptions. 

As time went by, and the house was finished I stood at the front doorway as I would at an alter. Nervous and anxious because this was a new life for me, and once I turn the key, I am one with this place as I would be with you. 

As I step over the door step, I’m immediately disappointed. Kind of like I am with you. 

I sat down and laid out my expectations and the foundation I wanted and just like a politician you trumped your way into making me believe that you’d make me great again and I allowed it. 

Realizing that your first 100 days in my heart were only to reel me in and break me in half when it took me so long to become whole again. 

So now here I am, in the empty home of what could have been love as you’re on your way to signing another client. 

-keepingupwithchello 

Preparing for the arrival of a child that isn’t mine.

 I said this would be a deal breaker for me, but the truth is, my love for you made me completely blind to the reality of your 6 year treatment. You kept a picture of the most precious fetus in the drawer next your bedstand where I now hide every memory I’ve ever had of you. I protected your mind as you cried and had nightmares of your aborted child and not even that would have kept you next to me forever. 

-keepingupwithchello